I Don’t Love You Like I Did Yesterday

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Well, then, who has the potential to be our husband or wife? Appearances first attracts captures our attention and we pass a very superficially judgment on that individual. From their personality to what they like. And of course, if there’s attraction, we will then start finding common traits that we share, things that we love, music that we appreciate. We keep a mental score list of the things we have in common, how we can communicate or even someone completely opposite your personality who can compliment your relationship and when the A grade is met, we eventually end up as a couple and find ourselves being man and wife.

But are relationships meant to last an entire lifetime or  is that really true how love must hurt  in every relationship? I guess its the latter since 50% of Americans divorce at some point of time in their lives.

What a stunning fact. Well, at least to me, it is.

Imagine what would be the divorce rate amongst the royal couples of Tinseltown would be like? Some reports suggests rates of up to 80%.

Chalize Theron & Stuart Townsend.

Charlize & Stuart

Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes.

Cheryl & Ashley Cole

Sandra Bullock &  Jesse James.

Sandra & Jesse

Courtney Cox & David Arquette

Tiger Woods & Elle Nordegren

Al Gore & Tipper

Halle Berry & Gabriel Aubry

Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman.

Christina & Jordan

Can you spot the similarities that these couples share?

Well, they’ve all hit Splitsville in this year alone and there are countless more than have headed there. And we all thought that they would last forever  and they seemed to be handling the constant spotlight shining on them everyday of their lives. They were seemingly trying their best to live as much of a normal life as they possibly can by staying out of the limelight where possible, but it still ended up in the gutters for these couples that have easily spent five or more years together as a married couple and even have had children together. Starting a family could well be the greatest testament of your love for each other but it still can lead to the disintegration of your marriage. Life is such, fickle as the wind.

In the past couple of weeks, the blogosphere has been rife with rumors that Ashton Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore, who is 15 years his senior, are headed in the same direction.

Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore

Ashton & Demi

It doesn’t help that their twitter updates are anything but positive. For instance, Demi tweeted:

trying to find the light I lost, It’s there but times…we give it away along w/ our power but it’s there whenever we are

And Ashton tweeted:

When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.

To add fuel to the fire, they have stopped ‘following’ each other’s twitter accounts. Overcoming the odds of the huge age-gap they share, does their 6 years of marriage mean nothing and that the love they shared for each other not withstand whatever may come their way? Why does such a sacred and special union break down so easily? Even among ‘normal’ celebrity couple where they do not have such huge age-gaps to deal with, the marriage still breaks down. Is it that easy to say I don’t love you like I did yesterday?

If celebrities can’t keep their act together even when they have so much in common (well, think about it, they are in the same industry, have similar working schedules and are working towards a common goal), what more can you expect from our everyday couple?

Where’s all the promises of “I’ll take a bullet for you” or “I’ll take down a star for you” and the all important “in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, I will love you and honor you all the days of my life” and the glimpses of the perfect life you will have together when you find yourself spiraling down disappearing to?

Many find their relationships disintegrating because it has become a bore, a chore to try to spice up the relationship when you know everything you possibly can about your other half and this it it. There’s no where to go from here. Perhaps one of the biggest reason leading to a divorce would be the lost of trust or betrayal of the marriage, where either one commits such a tumultuous mistake. If we just try to take a breather, we will find that there is still so much love in us for our significant other but we are just unable to look past the mistake to give a second chance, in fear of such a heartache happening again. Sometimes, it may be good to be strong and move on but at the same time, it is a test of your relationship and if you manage to come out of it, it only strengthens your relationship.

We could give a thousand and one reasons that could lead to a breakdown of a relationship, but if you have made the decision in the first place to get married, its all in your hands to try to make it work. Take a step back and look at the picture from another angle and maybe you will see the situation in a different light. Remember, it always takes two hands to clap.

Love lasts forever.

Something that I have hanging in the living room of my house to remind us what LOVE should be.

LOVE never Ends
LOVE Never Ends – 1 Corinthians 13:8

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26 thoughts on “I Don’t Love You Like I Did Yesterday

  1. Lost trust and betrayal in the marriage. Gosh. It’s fundamental. But it’s not the only thing that makes it hard to continue.

    It is the pain of the the destruction of the personal and precious intimate space in which our most vital human connection lives. It is so hard, the hurt, and the impression of the invasion that is almost impossible to erase. It is hard to come back from that because the love that we use to make that comeback has been hurt in the worst way.

  2. Well I guess in every relationship, there should be this key thing that both parties should always have in heart – tolerance and acceptance. Since both parties have made the decision that they wanted each other as companion or partners for the rest of their lives initially, they jolly have should accept and tolerate each other’s flaws. In the initial stage of every relationship in general, the guy in every girl’s view is always perfect, and this applies to the girl in every guy’s views too. It is only when they start to get closer and know each other better that they will start to observe each other’s flaws. It is sad that flaws can’t be tolerated and accepted and why make the decision to marry in the 1st place? The pain that both parties caused for each other is erasable and this painful memories will follow them for a very long period of time. Well, it is a consolation to view that both parties learnt a lesson through the failed relationship. Well, back to the topic, I seriously feel that relationship matters cannot be taken lightly, cause the consequences might be disastrous. Be sure of who you are and what you really want before you make a decision because it will affect ur partner’s entire life as well.

    1. i agree with you that tolerance and acceptance is the key in all relationships. no one is perfect. Getting together is the easy part but maintenance of the relationship is where everything goes haywire and might lead to an eventual breakup if both parties are not able to accommodate each other. Its always important to receive as much as you give in a relationship if not an inequality will arise and it will be very hard to spend the rest of your life with your other half.

      1. If within a couple there is no trust, tolerance and acceptance, it would be extremely difficult to make it work. The maintenance phase of a relationship where you integrate, bond and differentiate with each other is a highly complicated and difficult phase and if there is nothing more than love to keep the couple together, it would easily lead to a breakup. Thats why I believe that love is barely the foundation of any relationship and we have to build around it. Like a skyscraper, if we do not build upon the foundations, it is nothing. Is the foundation is weak, the skyscraper will eventually collapse.

  3. Love requires both parties contribution. It goes beyond just the emotions but also the responsibility too. Many felt that love will die out as the time goes by. However, i feel that in a relationship, both parties need to continue to maintain.

    I came across a book that talks about maintaining relationship is just like boiling a kettle of water.
    If you used a strong flame to boil (invest all emotions) instantly, the water(love) will evaporate very quickly and the kettle will explode (end of relationship).

    However, if you boil it with a small flame slowly or add water once in a while ( actions that refreshes the relationship), you can maintain its boiling temperature (warmth of love) without damaging the kettle.

    Hence, it is not the instant love that leads to an everlasting relationship. It is the willingness to maintain.

    1. A very interesting and true analogy! Its really true, using a strong flame will cause the relationship to peak too quickly and both parties will burn out too quickly. Maybe we all need to take it back to the olden times where the chinese used to brew medicinal concoctions over a charcoal fire. In this way, we will know that the relationship was not built based on superficial love but deep running love in their veins.

  4. The problem with celebrity marriages, I think, is the over glamorization, the stress and the ego that comes with it.
    Celebrity divorces are so common that I’m beginning to think it’s highly unlikely that any of these celebrities actually have time to work on the maintenance of their relationships.
    More often then not, these relationships start when they work on the same set, proximity allows them to build their relationship over the few months or a year they work together.
    But by the time they reach the maintenance stage, the media starts to chew on them, the ego starts to get boosted, they stop paying attention to each other when both partners move on to new projects. They’re no longer on the same set, same state or even the same country when working on other projects. I think it’s because of that that celebrity divorces are so common.
    It is tragic because they’re supposed to be role models…

    1. As much as celebrities want to be role models, it is very difficult because of the the intense spotlight that the media puts on them. We see many celebrities trying to promote good causes like supporting PETA or GOT MILK campaigns but sometimes their personal lives might not reflect what they are actually advocating.

      Their personals love lives are technically non of our business but its really sad to see how a 10 year relationship can falter just like that. If they had true love, even they have to work apart for a couple of months a year, they would make the effort to meet each other somehow.

  5. Love might transcend all boundaries, but in essence Love is a game for two; not two and two families certainly not two and the public. And not to dis anybody, but I kind of feel marriage is show. A show for others to see. Then again, I won’t understand that feeling cause I’m certainly no exhibitionist, my life, my rules.

    1. I share your sentiments. More often than not, when the in-laws come into the picture, the relationship is often compromised and it throws off the entire dynamics of the relationship. It should be nothing more than 2 people this this display of affection and that maybe in-laws should just play the role of the by-stander in the formation of relationships ad perhaps their only role is to give advice when trouble or problems ensues in the relationship.

  6. Many people are also jumping into a relationship either too soon(out of immaturity) or too late(out of desperation)…they do not put good thought into getting together,forget getting married! If only we’d take out more time for ourselves and not be driven by the materialistic world that we live in! This culture of the “West” is beginning to be of quite a strong influence in Asia too..let’s hope we do not get “Americanized”!

    1. Its tragic to know that people are getting married not because of love. Why is it so important to get married? Cant’t we be equally as happy if we are not married but living together with a loved one? The sanctity of marriage is going down the drain as more and more people (Singapore included) are getting married as if playing a game. If unhappy after a marriage, they’ll either annul it get a divorce. Like recently, in the news for all the wrong reasons, Kim Kardashian splurged millions on her wedding (her 3rd i think) to NBA star and after 72 days of marriage they got a divorce. A desperate act for attention and a super glitzy publicity stunt? They just degraded the entire idea of a marriage. Shame on them.

  7. the problem with love is that it is a bond between two people.. which includes trust and communication.. all these marriages may fail because of the lack of it or they are better as friends.. my parents have gone down that road before. it’s not that they don’t love each other, i guess they can’t live with each other.

    for a relationship to work, the couple has to work through it.. i guess it isn’t right to say that these relationships fail.. it’s the same as saying you having a girlfriend/boyfriend and then breaking up with them.. the difference is that they didn’t have a grand wedding or promise to be together forever. we always hope to have happy endings. the only way we can enjoy together forever with a special someone is to work on the relationship, provide emotional, mental and physical support for each other so that they will not have a need for another person to fill something their partner is missing of..

    true love exists. we just have to find it. 🙂

    1. for all relationships, i believe without a doubt that there definitely is love. its the basis for all relationships. and if marriage eventually breaks down, its not because there is no more love. i think i like you said, its not the lack of love but the lack of communication between two people. couples who get divorced can still love each other. They love each other so much that they do not want to continue hurting each other in something that is not working out like what they envisioned it to be.

      I really believe that it is not necessary to get married to prove and declare to the whole world that we are head overs heels in love with each other. Marriage is merely a man-made ceremony and what really matters is what is within and there is more than love in the hearts of two souls which connect and be each other’s support system through thick and thin. Will you be able to say that a married couple will have much more happiness than one that have been together for 10 years, weathering challenges together? No. Marriage is really over rated although the thought of true love existing is so real.

  8. I like how you ended with the bible, because it shows the real, pure love. How it is supposed to be. And then how it isn’t in our lives, and what we’re pursuing, or watch the pursuit of others – that they are just the tip of love’s long and unyielding arrow.

    Love is supposed to be patient, supposed to be kind, it isn’t supposed to envy, nor boast. It shouldn’t be rude, nor proud. Love should not be self seeking, and it should never be easily angered. Love should not delight in evil, and it should always rejoice with the truth. It should always bear all sins, always hope and always perseveres.

    True love, never really fails. Right?

    1. Yes, love is supposed to be selfless and pure and sacred but its so sad to see how people treat the of a marriage as a game or a display to the whole world that they are in love but its more than just that. Marriage is where the whole journey begins and you find out so much more about the person you are about the grow old with.

      People keep saying its so hard today to embody what love is supposed to be. Kind, patient, not envy, and so on. But if true love really exists between two people, we don’t even have to try to be what love is supposed to be. Instead, it will all fall into place naturally.

      If two people have a connection that is out of this world, so precious, then, i really believe, too, that true love will never ever fail.

  9. I had no idea that Ashton and Demi are on ‘bad terms’ with each other! But honestly, i feel that every part of celebrities’s lives are about drama and for publicity. I mean, Britney shaving off her head, may be a cry for help but it made her one of the most searched on google!

    If we were to examine our culture, this problem is no different then what Hollywood’d going through! People are marrying and divorcing at an alarming rate! In my opinion, i feel that the idea of marriage is changing with times. People view it more as a business venture, where they earn something from the other party instead of truly loving each other.

    1. Its really sad to see people taking marriage for granted and that, as you said, people viewing it as an investment. Once they so not see themselves getting good returns rate, then it will be a case of ‘goodbye, you are of no use to me anymore. time to move on.’. i think we need to take a step back and remind ourselves why do we bother playing this game of love and getting married and why do we want to grow old with the person I’m getting married to. We need to retain the sanctity of marriage.

  10. Love is a wonderful and beautiful thing. It has the ability to allow us to change for the better for the ones we love. And other times, loving someone allows us to tolerate each others bad habits and eccentricities. Love definitely does not end!

  11. Does true unconditional love exist? Or does love only exist if someone fits a certain mould?

    I’ve heard that the best form of love in the world is the unconditional love between parents and their children. But then again, the people that I game with online have told me about their parents beating them for no reason when they were children (they still have the scars). Others have told me about their parents stealing their hard-earned college money because they wanted to buy luxuries for themselves. Their parents justified it by saying that their kids owed them the money because they had to raise them.

    A more personal experience? I’ve seen a close family friend disown his son because his son turned out to be gay. I thought it was funny how his whole life, the son had been told that he was loved and that his parents were never going to stop loving him. Funny how that all ended the moment he said he had a boyfriend in the States. He came out when I was, like, 14? I spoke to him before he left. It’s been 6 years. His parents haven’t contacted him since, I believe. My parents still remind me not to mention their son when we meet up for lunch/dinner.

    Makes me wonder. If I say, “I love you” now, will I still be able to say “I love you” when everything I loved about you is gone? By right, I’m supposed to. But how many people can look past that mould?

    1. Its really sad hearing those stories and maybe that is the reason why when people grow up they tend to have a skewed idea of love and marriage and children. And its really worrying that in the next generation we will potentially see an exponential growth in marriage rates (but it involves people getting married on superficial grounds) which will eventually lead to higher divorce rates and maybe suicide rates as well. These are very troubling signs for our society.

      It is really saddening to hear about how your friend got disowned by his parents just because he is gay. I mean, so what if he is gay? Does it make him any less of a human being? He still is their flesh and blood. He still functions like any other person. The only exception is his sexual preference. Shame on his parents for not being to accept who their son is and I’m not saying they should embrace him with open arms immediately (given the fact we are in such a coped up society and almost every other thing is a taboo) but instead try to understand him and slowly accept him for who he is. If I were your friend, I would not bother begging my parents to love me when they say they want to disown me. What’s the point of hanging onto something that is already broken? I can’t force you to love me and if that is the case I’m pretty damn sure I can find someone that loves me for who I am and accept me for what I am and not discriminate me and find me a disgrace to them. We are all beautiful and special in our own little ways. It is really dumb to lose a son in such a way. Isn’t a mother’s love the strongest love of all?

  12. Honestly, i feel that a large reason for the failure of so many relationships/marriages is attributable to the shallow view of many individuals towards romantic relationships. They often look at relationships with the expectations of a heart racing, starry eyed experience. But when the initial rush has faded, it turns out different from their expectations, they decide this isn’t what they signed up for and jump ship. I suspect the media industry and a growing desensitization to infidelity are largely to blame for this. People have to be clear about what they want in a relationship and have a long term view before they commit to something so important.

    As reeohnah stated, feelings/’the love’ change with time and people need to realize that. For many married couples, they the love transforms into something deeper but is often not expressed adequately. From personal experience, i have seen the amazing power of love between a married couple. A couple that argued all the time and seemed to be so lacking in intimacy. But this was only revealed in its fullness when one party was fighting a battle against cancer. Think about what their lives could have been like if they lived and love like this everyday! Hence the need to try out new things together or do stuff to spice it up and rekindle the flames when they start to fade.

    When a tumultuous mistake has been made, this often signals something far greater than a loss in trust or betrayal. It says something about the way the party in the wrong views the relationship. If one party decides to sleep around behind the other’s back, does he/she really treasure the relationship? Is it a good idea to continue being together with that person knowing he/she has such a low regard for something you view so importantly? There has to be some form of self preservation. As for married couples, they should try to work things out because there are many reasons something like that would happen. But I believe no matter how things turn out, the plague of that mistake will haunt both parties forever. Many will not be able to live with that pressure leading to a breakdown and divorce.

    1. I really got to agree with you that many relationships today are built upon weak foundations and a weak earthquake would shatter and topple whatever they built on soft ground. Many jump into marriage barely a year into dating and they are so certain that they are going to grow old with each other when they are what? 25/26 years old? A little too young to plan for when they are 60 or 70, no? thats like almost 50 years where they have to find something more than love to sustain their relationship as a married couple.

      Like you said, its more than the basic idea of love that keeps the flame in the marriage burning bright after 10,20,30 or 40 years. It is very hard to find novel ideas to keep things fresh in the marriage. This is the commitment that they unconditionally make when they enter into matrimony.

      I believe what happens after a grave mistake is made in a relationship (affairs etc) is that if one forgive the other, how true and real can the forgiveness be? How can you shake off an affair just like that? It will be lingering somewhere in your mind, unconsciously. And this lingering thought will be itching to come out and attack your spouse whenever you have a fight and its definitely going to be your trump card. So why not just get a divorce and end it once for for all? Even if your love is so strong, it will be just so hard to carry on in the relationship. Almost impossible.

  13. I love adele’s someone like you. I believe that there are many forms of love and that romantic love does not last forever. Along the way when the euphoria and excitement dies down and the realities of a long term relationship comes in the form of kids bills and a tonne of work to do. Love gets taxing, if you’re lucky maybe you return to the stage where you were best friends and soul mates. Then slowly you love each other like family when romantic love ends. Maybe that’s why couples end up sleeping on different beds or rooms. Celebrities probably have less money woes but it seems like it doesn’t help their relationship from cracking anyways.

    Fidelity or the lack of it seems like the biggest reasons why people split, the lack of trust the painful lies. I guess love is no longer seen as a sacred thing as before.

    1. agreed that romantic love does not love forever. we need to look pass the the basic love and find other avenues to build the foundations for a good relationship of perhaps the rest of your life. It s so very hard to maintain a relationship when coupled with financial worries, how your children, when they come along, will do in school and in life. Most of the time, it just gets too tiring to maintain and hence, the relationship breaks down.

      It is saddening to see that the sanctity of marriage and love has disintegrated to what it is to day and we need to mend this broken link in society.

  14. love can be something so beautiful and yet sad.

    it’s definitely a belief that we hold on to. a faith both believe in.

    Good luck to all who had found their soulmates, and those who are still in the midst.

    treasure him/her, because there’s no one else just like the special one.

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