It’s all over…or is it not?

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along.


I’m pretty sure everyone of you must have heard of the dysfunctional New Directions Glee Club by now. (Not unless you’ve been living under a pretty huge rock) This vastly different and in a way, dysfunctional group in high school is pretty much a close knitted family. What gels them together is that they are a bunch of misfits in school and they have a similar passion for song.

In the most recent episode of Glee, the two resident divas (Mercedes Jones & Rachael Berry) face off once again in what is called a ‘Diva-off’ to decide who will have lead role in the upcoming school musical in their final year at McKinley High. They both want to graduate on a high note (literally). What was supposed to be a friendly competition turned out to be a disaster for the entire Glee club. Something that was so very special to every single misfits of the school. Similar people that made  feel special and wanted.

The fact that a group of people can bond over common fate is astounding in itself. In my previous post, I’ve discussed how hard it is for two individuals (even with loads of similarities) to make it work. Imagine making a group of 10 individuals (Glee Club) work. But in reality, that is how it its. We often go out with friends in groups of 4 or more friends and it is such an irony that we are able to pull off such a feat when we find it just so darn hard to make a couple relationship work. In a group, we have to make much more compromises and strike a balance in maintaining peace in by trying to accommodate everyone.

What made the Glee Club work out so well, even when they have 10 members in their group, is that everyone was able to take on a role that allowed them to have  stake in the group, akin to owning shares in a company. Well, not till the latest episode where Mercedes, one of the two Divas, left the Glee Club for a newly formed rival club in the school because of a fall-out with Rachael, the other Diva. She said something along the lines of “It ain’t gonna be the Rachael Berry Show around here anymore. It’s time for the Mercedes Jones Show”. But is it really due to the ‘conflict’ that was going on OR has has a new Mercedes emerged and the old self that everyone loved was gone? Is it a case of excessive personal needs to the extent of comprising group dynamics or simply ‘no one understands me’ mentality? From this video, you probably will be able to judge for yourself.

The phenomemen of the alpha persona in every group is inevitable. Someone HAS to step forth and take control of the group’s directions and how it functions, basically, the dynamics. Like how every tribe needs a leader, so does any other group.

Its very ambiguous how we form groups in reality and how we accept new people into our close knit circles of friends. How do we deem that someone is ‘worthy’ of being part of our group or are we passing superficial judgements based on first impressions? Perhaps we base it on how they can contribute to the group dynamics and how he can be useful since everyone has a specific role to play, based on his personality or character, to maintain positive group dynamics. Once initiated into the group, it will be an endless claw up the hierarchy of the group in a mostly futile attempt to occupy the top dog seat. Either that or they will try to take on a role in the group that they think they are capable of doing and if its taken up, it will be another fight to get that role. So, its definitely not rainbows and butterflies but more like cloudy with 100% chance of thunderstorm in every group relationship where everyone wants to outdo everyone, either blatantly or done in secrecy. Sad, but it is the brutal truth. Though emerging from the storm scarred, we grow stronger and wiser. After all, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Right?

But you can try your best but sometimes everything seems to fail and not work out. What do you do then? Find another group and try to fit in? Pull a couple of friends together to form a clique? You might get what you want but not what you need.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?


17 thoughts on “It’s all over…or is it not?

  1. I think it is natural that when a group no longer have a common purpose, they move on naturally. However, you questioned that if the group does not work out, what is the next action to it? I believe that this is part of the process where groups “storm” and solve the conflict. In real life, you can never run away from it. Rather than procrastinating that it will not work out, it would be better to learn how to handle it now than regret later.

    1. i think many people choose the easy way out by running away from what ever problems that they face with their friends mainly because if they do not want to see each other, they can just choose not to see each other unlike family. But the right thing to do as your say is to try to work out the differences and solve the conflict at hand and perhaps have a stronger friendship because of this.

  2. glee is an awesome awesome tv show. the group dynamics and the dysfunction of their entire group has indeed made this a huge hit with everyone who has heard of it. some renditions of their songs may be a little bad, if compared to the original. But, they have since become a household name where just saying the name makes a random individual bursts into their oh-so-popular rendition of ‘Don’t stop believing’! I myself am singing this sond in my head as i type this out. Haha!

    1. it definitely helps us to understand how group dynamics work and more often than not, we actually see it playing out in our own lives among our own friends. Its sad that most of the time we chose to ignore the problems that have surfaced and when we actually face up to reality, it would have been too late.

  3. Glee is definitely a amazing series that shows how people of multiple cultures and background can come together and become friends because they share a common cause, a passion for singing and performing. We all have our own circles of friends, although not necessarily as colorful as the “New Directions” glee club. It its very difficult to fulfill all the needs of every single one of your friends and it gets more complicated when your group gets bigger when new friends join and others start bringing their other half along. It gets to a point where it is so hard to function as a collective group and it kinda sad that cliques start forming within the group itself.

    1. I agree with you that its really sad but true as groups grow bigger, we tend to break off into smaller groups and the original group of friends that started off together as really close friends will disintegrate.

  4. It’s not at all uncommon for people to bonded by sheer common fate, or common ground, to be more exact. Teams for baseball players, dragon boaters, or even a computer club – they’re all bonded by the same interest and activity they do together. It probably brings them a lot closer together than it does most people, because the understanding between their minds have reached a level not yet stretched – from another’s perspective. Who do you think coined the terms “Nerds” or “Jocks”? =] People scorn or fear things they don’t understand. If a moon is running around earth, it’s called orbiting. But when a man runs around another man, that’s just crazy – right?

    Anyways, interesting song choice. I’m wondering what are you implying though, with the use of the song fix you.

    1. But will friendships lasts if we are just bonded by like just one thing that we share in common? I think we need for than one thing to keep friendships alive. Granted that being on teams or clubs will forge friendships but once we are past that stage will that friendships still be as strong when you don’t see each other as often, hang out less and perhaps have less things in common? Its so true that people scorn or fear what they don’t understand and chose to run away from it rather than try to face it to get a better understanding of the matter. Sometimes what we all need to do is to get out of our comfort zone and It’s really sad that theres not a lot of people who are willing to do that.

      1. Perhaps its because people are not willing to get out of their comfort zone just because they see no need to do so. They feel that maintaing the status quo is good enough for them. why is there a need to go try fixing something that you might screw it up even more? and end up only jeopardizing the entire group dynamics and cause the group to break up.

  5. Agreed! There is no fixed methods or pathways to take for groups to form. It is indeed ambiguous. Looking back at the different groups, some are still closely knitted while some are separated like a bunch of sand. Group dynamics is no doubt the important criteria for groups to hold on tgt. Each and everyone in the group has their specific roles to play.

    1. If we are all able to somehow try to accommodate each other’s differences and short comings and not be so nitty gritty, it would be much easier to make friendships work but in reality, it is just so damn difficult. We each want everything to be exactly how I want it to be not how WE should be and when everyone is so headstrong, the group is headed for a downfall sooner than later

  6. Agreed with SLYAN. It is hard for a group of people to come together to form a group. It is often the chemistry of each other and the bond between them that gets the group going. In any way, it is really fortunate to have groups with similar interest and goals, and it is important that one accepts and tolerate each other for the group to get going. Everyone has their part to play. With that said, in any case where a group has to part, it does not mean that they dont treasure each other anymore, it merely means that they now have different goals and directions and each is to search for new groups to be with. 🙂

    1. I feel the same way too. Its really hard for a people to come together and become friends, to form a clique and have a common goal and thinking. perhaps we should learn to be more understanding and accepting of the differences in people and we will then be more happy people!

  7. as we transit into different stages in our lives, we inevitably form new cliques of friends and we now have an additional group of friends to juggle along with your other friends from maybe JC/Poly, Secondary school, CCA friends or maybe church as well? We tend to neglect our older cliques of friends as we make new friends and maybe that is bound to happen because we want to spend more time with our new found friends as we may have grown a little ‘sick’ or our old friends? Its sad to see long-standing friendships slowly falter and crumble. just what are friendships made of exactly?

    1. maybe its just human nature to constantly seek for something new, novel and hence, we tend to hang out with our new friends much more when we make new friends. but if we take a step back and think about it, we actually will find that the other friends we have are the ones that will be there for us when we need them the most. not saying that the new found friends will not be there for you (perhaps they will be too, most probably) but you will feel much more at ease pouring your sorrows out to someone whom you’ve know for a million years.

  8. Groups form because of common interest or just the chemistry that people can relate to each other. I guess out there, someone will belong to some group even if he/she is unable to fit into the ‘in’ group. Yet, i guess being in the ‘in’ group is defined by the members because everyone is in some group don’t you think so?

    1. i guess we all have a place in society that we belong to and call our own. even though it might not be the ‘in’ group of society but it might be the ‘in’ group for the individual where he or she can find a safe haven to express his thoughts and feelings without feeling ostracized or being picked on all the time. and i guess that is what we all need.

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